By:: Deyavion Cox
October 18, 2024
Let’s be honest—we’ve all been guilty of “listening” to someone while secretly planning our next move in our head, right? I used to do this a lot, especially when I was younger. But the moment I learned about active listening, it completely changed the way I communicate with others. Whether you're talking to your best friend, family, or even that new kid in class, learning to really listen makes all the difference.
What Is Active Listening, Anyway?
Active listening isn’t just hearing words; it’s about being in the moment with the person who’s speaking. Instead of waiting for your turn to talk, you’re actually absorbing what the other person is saying—and what they’re not saying. Trust me, I learned this the hard way. Back when I was younger, I’d miss key parts of conversations because I was so focused on what I wanted to say. It wasn’t until I started working as a youth development specialist that I realized the power of just being fully present.
Why Should You Care?
If you’re like me, you probably think, “Why should I worry about how I listen?” Here’s why—communication is at the core of every relationship you’ll ever have, whether it’s with your friends, family, or even that teacher who just doesn’t get your vibe. When you listen better, people feel understood. And guess what? That leads to stronger, more genuine relationships.
Take it from me—working with teens has shown me just how much a little active listening can go a long way. Some of the toughest conversations I’ve had with the teens I mentor have turned into the most meaningful ones, just because I took the time to truly hear them out.
How Active Listening Can Save You From Drama
Here’s a scenario I’m all too familiar with: You’re hanging out with your crew, and someone says something that comes off the wrong way. Instead of jumping to conclusions, you pause, ask for clarification, and—surprise!—you realize it was all a misunderstanding. Active listening can be the ultimate drama diffuser.
I remember one time, a student I worked with, let’s call her Aubree, was stressed out about switching schools. She seemed closed off at first, but after I really listened to her concerns—without trying to immediately “fix” things—she opened up about what was going on in her life. Fast forward a few weeks, and she was not only thriving at her new school but also making friends and finding her footing. The key? Simply listening.
How To Be an Active Listener
So, how do you actually do this active listening thing? It’s easier than you think. Here’s what I’ve learned works best:
Make Eye Contact - Eye contact isn’t just polite—it’s a signal that you’re tuned in. I get that sometimes it feels awkward, especially when emotions are high, but even a quick glance can show you’re focused.
Use Nonverbal Cues - A simple nod or “Mm-hmm” can let the other person know you're with them. You don’t need to constantly chime in, but showing you're present without words makes all the difference.
Don’t Interrupt - This was a big one for me. I used to think that cutting in meant I was engaged, but actually, it can come across like you're not really listening. Let them finish their thought—it can change everything you were about to say.
Ask Questions - If something isn’t clear, ask! It’s not annoying; it shows you’re genuinely interested. Sometimes the best way to connect is by showing curiosity about what the other person is saying.
Summarize What You Heard - I do this all the time in my line of work, and it helps so much. After someone shares, I say something like, “So, you’re feeling X because of Y, right?” It helps avoid misunderstandings and shows the person they’ve really been heard.
Real Talk: My Own Active Listening Journey
I wasn’t always great at this. Growing up, I lived in survival mode, always ready for the next battle, whether it was at home or out in the world. Listening was the last thing on my mind because, honestly, I didn’t feel like anyone listened to me. But after I started working with teens and learning more about what they needed, I realized how much just being present for someone can mean. It’s one of the reasons I became a youth development specialist—to be that person I wish I’d had growing up.
Why Teens Need This Skill More Than Ever
With the constant distractions of social media, Snapchats, and TikToks, it’s easy to miss out on meaningful conversations. It’s not just about putting your phone down, though—it’s about making a conscious choice to really engage. When you master active listening, you’ll notice that people open up to you more and trust you in ways they might not have before.
Ready to Level Up?
So, what’s the next step? Try it. The next time you’re talking to someone—whether it’s your best friend or that person in class you barely know—make an effort to actively listen. I challenge you to focus fully on the other person. It might feel different at first, but once you see how much stronger your connections become, you’ll wonder why you didn’t start sooner.
Active listening isn’t just about communication—it’s about building trust, understanding, and deeper relationships. And trust me, that’s a superpower worth having.
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